One of the best ways to do this is to imagine returning to the past with a Wise Being. This imaginary friend and protector accompanies us through the good times and the bad, guiding us each step of the way. The good is reclaimed and the bad transformed. I’ll describe that journey for you.

Make yourself comfortable….. Imagine you are walking along on a quiet country road….

Off to the side you see a pathway leading around a hillside. You follow it, walking through wildflowers and colourful trees, until you come to a special place. It could be by the sea, in the mountains, in a house or out in a garden. This is your Quiet Place….. You walk into it and a sense of freedom flows into you – freedom to be truly yourself…..

You have come to your Quiet Place to meet your Wise Being….. You go and sit in the spot where you always wait….. Time passes….. You feel content…..

Very soon you feel the presence of your Wise Being….. You look up and your eyes moisten with tears of love and joy as the Wise Being walks or glides towards you….. Now you are standing facing each other, your eyes never leaving the beautiful face…..

You feel so happy, so loved, totally known…..

The Wise Being says, “Come. Take my hand and we will journey together through the dream of the past.”…. You find yourself going back in time together, until you are at the beginning of the really happy time that is destined to come to an end….. The past begins replaying itself, exactly as it was, only this time the Wise Being is by your side, invisible to all but yourself…..

As you re-experience the joy of the time, the Wise Being says, “Remember, all of this love, peace and joy comes from within. The beauty you see in others lies within you too. Remember these true-spoken words.”…..

The past continues to unfold, day by day, month by month, until you first learn that the joy will come to an end….. You begin to feel the loss and pain, and the Wise Being advises you again – “Remember sweet friend, the delight you felt remains ever in your heart. The loved one too, always there in your heart resides.”…..

Then comes the time when the loved one has gone. Your heart breaks and you share your pain with the Wise Being. “They have gone”, you cry, as you seek to be consoled. “No”, says the Wise Being. “Only the body has gone. You can never be apart. Like two waves in the sea you are both part of the one ocean of love.”….. These words allow the feeling of union to grow, and you feel content. Then the Wise Being says, “Come. Take my hand and we’ll continue our journey through the bad times that lie up ahead.”

The drama of your life continues to unfold and you now enter the time of unbearable desolation….. The Wise Being says, “Take hold of my hand. Let all of your emotions come straight into me. Let me drink all the poison; let me change it for you.”

You trust the Wise Being and continue the journey through the difficult time. As each memory brings up a disturbing emotion, you direct it through your fingers to the hand of the Wise Being. Each time you pass on your pain and loss, anger or despair, you feel an increase in love flowing out to you from the Wise Being. Your emotions are received by the Wise Being as wood for the transforming fire. In the Great Heart they are burned, creating warmth, love, compassion and joy. All of these sublime feelings flow right back to you.….

And now it is time to return to the Quiet Place. ….. Once there, you look into the eyes of your Wise Being and quietly say, “Goodbye”…. The Wise Being says, “There is no ‘goodbye’, for I am ever with you. I am in your breath, your flesh, your blood. I am in every sound you hear, every sight you see – I am in you, and you are in me.”

As you leave your Quiet Place and journey back along the pathway and road, your mind keeps repeating those love-filled words, “I am in you and you are in me. I am in you and you are in me.”

Note: If you feel that this technique could be really valuable for you, and you would like to hear my voice guiding you through it, you can download the CD, “Letting Go Of The Past’, at www.selhelptherapy.com.au or at www.therapyycds.com.au

We know by now that the mind is the key. Our beliefs and attitudes are like tinted spectacles – if we use blue-coloured glasses, everything looks blue; in the same way, if our mind is tinted with the belief of unfairness, the past will surely seem unfair.

There is a very good way of reviewing the past which dissolves the tint of unfairness. It leaves in its place a sense of empowerment, of being in charge of our destiny or fate. The first step is to regard every disturbing event in our life as a test or an opportunity to learn. Let me explain.

When we were attending school, we studied all year and then sat for the final examination. Although the exam was somewhat unpleasant, we knew we had worked as hard as we could and were ready to take on the test. When the results came out we could see what areas would need some more study, and the following year we went on to a higher grade.

We can look at our sufferings and traumas in the same way – each one was a test of what we had learned and an opportunity to learn even more.

“But I wasn’t ready”, you might say. “I couldn’t handle what happened to me.” It is understandable you think in this way; but there is another way – a way of thinking that can empower your soul; a different vision so you can stride into the rest of your life.

The idea is to Imagine that you have lived before, several lives, even hundreds, and that you played a big part in choosing this life.

You begin by imagining that your previous life is coming to a close. The body dies and you glide out through the top of the head. After a rest of a few weeks or years, you decide you are ready for another life. You call upon your guides who’ve always been there to help and protect you. You can easily imagine all this. You go with them to the great library of Akashik records. Together you look through the history of what you have learned in each one of your past lives.

After some time you reach agreement on what it is you are ready to learn in this next life. Perhaps you are ready to be born into a family where your love will be tested severely – the parents could abuse and neglect you, or favour the other children.In order to survive you’ll have to knock on the door of your very own heart to find what is denied from outside.

Imagine that you discuss many possibilities with your guides. Perhaps you are ready to learn forgiveness, humility, courage or confidence. The guides point out that, when we get to the higher level of learning, these qualities are best learned in a difficult environment. Your guides ask if you are ready for this challenge. You assure them that you are.

Together you look down on earth, seeing the many thousands of parents you can choose from. This father will be cruel, this one will die young. This mother will neglect, this one will cling on. You can choose your parents. Then you identify the traumas and difficulties you need to have, so you can learn the lessons you are ready for. You can choose all of the events that will take place in your life. You study each one of them and confirm, “Yes, I am ready for that test. I will rise above it. I will win through.”

Like a lawyer proving his case, you refer back to the Akashic records to convince your guides that you are ready for each one of the challenges lying ahead of you. Finally they agree.

You thank the guides again for their help, say goodbye, and dive down into the world. You enter the baby in your chosen mother’s womb a few weeks before it is due to be born. In time you are born, and the journey begins.

Imagine now reliving your childhood, month by month, year by year. As each disturbing event unfolds, remind yourself that you are ready for this pain and challenge…..

Now imagine reliving your teenage years…. Hold on to your knowledge that each trauma, humiliation and loss was chosen by you so you can grow in wisdom and love…...

Imagine now entering the adult years….. With new-found strength and knowing conviction, imagine re-living each moment with a sense of mastery and purpose…...

Continue doing this until you are back in the present again.

Note: If you feel that this technique could be really valuable for you, and you would like to hear my voice guiding you through it, you can download the CD, “Letting Go Of The Past’, at www.selhelptherapy.com.au or at www.therapyycds.com.au

Introduction.

Each one of us feels bound by the events in our past. Our habits, feelings and thoughts seem to echo what happened in childhood and later years. Why is this so, and what can we do to be free?

It is said that we stay connected to every object and person with whom we have felt some emotion. Because of these unseen connections, we remain open to influence from that person, even when they are far away or the person is deceased. For us to be free of the past, these invisible cords need to be severed, particularly those with our own parents.

It is our parents who have played a major role in shaping our personality, and we are bound to them in a deep mysterious way. We are not free, and they are not free.  

Think of two birds linked together with long pieces of elastic string. Regardless of how affectionate they have been towards each other, neither one can fly free until all of the strings have been cut. We cut the ties with our parents and other adults, not only for our own sake, but for theirs as well, so we can both be free to be truly ourselves.

There is a truly beautiful and powerful method for cutting these invisible psychic links. It was created by Phylis Krystal, a remarkable woman who wrote the book, ‘Cutting the Ties that Bind’. You can apply the technique to yourself by following the steps below.

It is best to cut the cord to the parents first, and then any others you feel tied to in some way. For obvious reasons, it is important not to cut the ties with any of your children who are under the age of 16 years.

There are four steps to follow. First we learn to be channels for unconditional love. Then we do a special meditation. After that we cut the cords between you and the person. And finally we allow the other to go free. As you read each part, you can stop and close your eyes, if you wish, and use your imagination; or you can imagine with your eyes open.

The Tree Of Love (Guided Imagery)   

First of all, make yourself comfortable. Imagine you are walking along a quiet country road. It is a pleasant day. In the distance you see a tree. It feels familiar, and you move steadily towards it….

You walk right up to the tree and stand with your back to its trunk. You feel at one with this tree….. Imagine now you are the tree, with roots growing deep into the ground, and branches reaching up to the sky.

Now, as you breathe in, imagine that perfect fatherly love flows into your branches from above. Perfect fatherly love, pouring into your branches each time you breathe in….. You are a tree, breathing in from above the perfect fatherly love.

Now, as you breathe in, be aware of perfect motherly love flowing up through your roots….. Breathing in, up through your roots, the perfect love of the ideal mother….. Flowing up from below, the perfect motherly love, each time you breathe in.

Now be aware of both loves pouring in from above and below, each time you breathe in….. Perfect fatherly and motherly love pouring into you as you breathe in, flowing in from above and below; filling you up….. You are overflowing with perfect love, pouring in from above and below. Keep doing this for a minute or so

The Figure Of Eight (Guided Imagery)  

We’ve been doing the tree meditation. We will come back to that later on.

Imagine now that you are standing in a circle as wide as your arms outstretched. This circle is on the ground. It is filled with golden light. See yourself standing in this centre of a circle which is filled with golden light.

Now imagine another circle, the same size as yours, right in front of you. The two circles are just touching. The other circle is also filled with golden light….. Standing in the centre of that circle is your father or mother. Choose one of them. Or, if you’ve done this before, you can put someone else in there….. If it’s too distressing to imagine the person, you can think of a photograph instead, or just the initials of their name…..

You are in the centre of your circle. The other person is in the centre of their circle. Both circles are filled with golden light….. Do not allow the other person to leave the centre of their circle. If you feel unsafe, you can erect a thick glass wall at the edge of your circle – nobody can come through that….. You in the centre of your circle; the other person in the centre of their circle. Both circles filled with golden light…..

Now imagine a blue neon light, just inside the other circle, right where the two circles meet. See it moving away to your left, around the inside edge of the other circle, going clockwise. Follow it right around, until it comes to where the two circles meet in front of you; then see it enter your circle and travel to your left, around the inside of your circle, anti-clockwise. Watch it travelling around, right around, until it comes to where the circles meet. Then it goes into the other circle, travelling clockwise, and so on. It follows a figure of eight……

Both circles filled with golden light. You in the centre of your circle and the other person in the centre of theirs – with the blue neon light travelling in a figure of eight around the inside of the circles – clockwise around the other circle; anti-clockwise around your circle.

Tracing the blue neon light in a figure of 8 around the inside perimeter of the two circles. It can go as fast or as slow as you like. Both circles filled with golden light. Keep doing  that for another minute or so…..

 Before going on to the next stage of cutting the invisible cords, it is best if you can practice the tree meditation and figure-of-eight, twice every day, for 2 weeks. Just read through the above section each time. This will help you feel strong and secure after you have cut the cords.  

Identifying The Unseen Cords (Guided Reflection)

Now, it is two weeks later, and you are ready to cut the cords.

Imagine yourself standing in the centre of your circle and, facing you, see the other person standing in the centre of their circle….. Both circles filled with golden light….. There is no blue neon light….. Allow to come into your mind the cords connecting you both…..

You are waiting for the first one to appear….. Take your time…. If no cord appears, let your mind run over your body. If there was going to be a cord, what part of your body would it be connected to? Think in this way…..

Allow the first cord to come into your imagination. What part of your body is it attached to?….. What is the cord made of? Is it string, rubber, steel? It can be anything….. How thick is the cord? Like cotton, or as thick as your arm?…. take your time….

Now let the next cord come into your imagination….. Where does the cord connect to you both – what part of the body? …..What is it made of?….. How thick is it?….. Take your time. It will appear when it is ready to….

Now look for the next cord. What part of your body is the cord attached to? See what it looks like….. Now identify any other cords connecting you both. Allow them to appear one by one….. Is that all? Allow any others to appear. ….

Cutting The Cords (Guided Imagery)   

Decide which cord you will cut first….. See that cord coming from your body, stretching through space to the other person’s body.

Allow to come into your mind an instrument which will cut right through the cord in one stroke, without effort. It can be scissors, a chainsaw, laser beam, anything you like. It can even be something not yet invented. Use your imagination…..

Take hold of the instrument. Approach the cord. Cut through now, right through in one stroke. See the two ends falling away, shriveling up, disappearing back along themselves until they are all gone. If the cord reappears, slash through it again, with great force and determination.

Both ends of the cord now completely gone. Place a healing hand where the cord once came from your body, and see the other person do the same.…. Completely healed.

Now decide on the next cord to be cut…… See it clearly…… Allow an instrument to come into your mind which will cut right through the cord in one stroke, severing it forever…… Take hold of the instrument and approach the cord. Cut through now. Right through. Completely severed. See the two ends falling away, shriveling up as they go, disappearing back along themselves until they are all gone.

Place a healing hand over where the cord once came from, and see the other person do the same. Completely healed.

Let’s do one more. Decide which cord you will cut….. See it clearly…… Imagine a cutting instrument. Take hold of it now; approach the cord. Cut it now, right through, completely severed. See the two ends falling away, shriveling up, disappearing back along themselves until they are all gone, completely gone….. Place a healing hand over that part of the body where the cord once came from, and see the other person do the same  ….. Completely healed.

If you had more than 3 cords connecting you both, read through the above section and cut through some more. Keep cutting until all cords have been destroyed…..

We’ll assume at this point that all cords have been cut. No trace remains. See yourself standing in the centre of your circle, and the other person standing in the centre of their circle…..

Now begin the tree meditation. Each time you breathe in, draw in that perfect fatherly love from above, and the ideal motherly love from below……  Perfect love pouring in from above and below each time you breathe in……

So much love is pouring into you, it fills you up. Every cell of your body is now filled with love and light….. So much love pouring into you – it begins to overflow. You direct the overflowing love towards the other person. As soon as the love touches them, their circle begins to separate from yours….. Love pouring into you in ever-increasing amounts, overflowing, and beaming out towards the other person, and their circle moves further and further away…..

More and more love pouring into you, without effort, immediately overflowing, and beaming out towards the other person – and their circle moves further and further away…..

Keep doing this until their circle is just a speck in the distance; and then it’s gone…… Love continues to pour into you, filling you up, and overflowing, shining out now in all directions. You are like a star; love and light pouring into you, filling you up; then surging forth in all directions, filling everything in the universe with love and light. Keep doing this for another few minutes.

Note: If you feel that this technique could be really valuable for you, and you would like to hear my voice guiding you through it, you can download the CD, “Letting Go Of The Past’, at www.selhelptherapy.com.au or at www.therapyycds.com.au

A good way to let go of the past is to role-play having a conversation with the person who has wronged you, rejected you or died before you were ready. It is called the ‘empty chair’ technique.

First you talk to the person as if he or she is really there, sitting in an empty chair placed directly in front of you.

When it’s the other person’s turn to speak, you get up and sit yourself in their chair. You can say out loud any words of reply, as if you were that person – don’t think; just allow words to come. Then you return to your chair and say a few more words; then change chairs and give their response, and so on, until both of you have nothing more to say.

What happens during these empty-chair conversations is that you have a chance to get things off your chest. You’ll also gain some understanding of the other person when you speak their part of the conversation. As understanding grows, judgement departs, and forgiveness begins to arrive. These are steps towards true freedom from the past.

When I was demonstrating the empty-chair technique to a group a while ago, I spoke to my father in the other chair. He had left his body about 15 years before. What we shared in that interaction was a very moving experience. I spoke of his aloofness, his love, his dying, his integrity, his harshness and softness. When I moved into his chair, the words that came out were so full of understanding, acceptance and love that the whole room was moved to tears. Then he and I joked a bit, father and son, with me changing chairs 2 or 3 times. The experience left an indelible effect upon me, for the good. I felt we had moved into a much more mature level of relating to each other. He is no longer the failed hero of my childhood – he is a man of great dignity, gentleness and care.

In this essay we will explore how to overcome fear, revulsion and other emotions left behind by a traumatic or disturbing event. I’ll be describing the ‘reverse-movie’ technique. You will see the reason for its name as we go along.

When something terrible happens to us we experience many powerful emotions. Some are to do with fear that the body will die; others involve loss of dignity, security and self-esteem. Because of the commanding nature of the trauma, all of our attention was focused on the event.

There is a saying about thoughts. It says: “Thoughts are like electricity; if you get too close to them you won’t be able to let go.” The after-effects of trauma are due to the mind remaining locked-in on the trauma, even unconsciously.

In the reverse-movie technique, you imagine being in a movie in which, as an actor, you play the part of yourself, going through the trauma, exactly as it happened.

This is the first step in letting go, being an actor. At the same time you  also imagine sitting in the theatre, watching the movie. Also you imagine being the projectionist, who is showing the movie. Each step helps you to gain release from the emotional pull of the trauma. It is a very powerful technique. If you read through the procedure outlined below, you’ll see how it works. Then you can read through it again slowly, superimposing on the scene the memory you want to neutralise.

Make yourself comfortable. First of all, choose a disturbing event from the past – it might have happened long ago, or more recently. Any event will do. It could be a very depressing one, or you could start with something less disturbing, although it still upsets you to think about it. Choose one to work with. Then you can begin.

Imagine first of all that you are an actor in a movie. The movie is about a traumatic event in your life. You’ll be playing the role yourself. If it happened in childhood, imagine you are a child actor. The movie has not yet begun…..

Now imagine also that you are sitting with others in a movie theatre. You have to come to the theatre to watch this trauma in your life being replayed on the screen.

Now imagine that you are also up in the projection box. You look down and can see yourself sitting in the theatre, waiting to watch yourself relive this event in your life. You work here as a projectionist. You come every night for a few hours to work the projection equipment…..

You place the film of the event in the projector, turn off the lights in the theatre, and press the switch to start the film. The movie is in full colour. It shows the traumatic event happening all over again, right from the beginning…..

Observe yourself sitting in the theatre, watching yourself in the movie….. Everything is being replayed: the sounds, people, feelings, words spoken, things happening, all in the right sequence…..

Imagine you are in the projection room. You look down and see yourself sitting in the theatre, watching a re-run of this disturbing event in your life…..

Being the projectionist, you have to check the sound levels, and then you make sure the lens is focused so the images are clear…..

The story of this traumatic event unfolds on screen. Of course, as the projectionist, you have seen this movie many times before; but still you marvel at the quality of the acting and the re-creation of the setting. The actor playing your role is suburb, giving an absolutely realistic performance…..

You look down into the theatre and see yourself amongst the audience, watching the movie very intently…..

The movie re-creates all the trauma with extraordinary accuracy, and then it continues, showing the effects the trauma had on your life as time passed. As the projectionist, you always find this part particularly interesting…..

You look down into the theatre and observe that you, in the audience, are also interested in how these after-effects of trauma are being portrayed in the movie……

The film then comes to an end. You announce to the audience that, for those who would like to stay, you’ll be showing the film again, once it has been rewound…..

Up in the projection room, you press a button and the movie on the screen begins to run backwards. Quite fast. This time, the film is in black and white, no colour…..

You can see yourself sitting down in the theatre, watching yourself in the movie going backwards in time. All the sounds are garbled, all the movements are in reverse…..

Now the movie is back at the beginning again. You look down into the theatre and notice that some of the people have left, but about 20 remain, including yourself, sipping a drink while you wait…..

You announce the beginning of the film, press the switch, and the movie starts again in full colour. You can see yourself in the movie playing the role perfectly. You marvel at the quality of the acting – it is so real…..

The movie runs through the sequence of events, showing every detail of the trauma. Even though, as the projectionist, you have seen this film dozens of times before, you notice something extra each time you show it again…..

The film runs right through to the end, showing the after-effects of the trauma on your life…..

When the film ends you announce that, because there is probably at least one person who would like to see it again, you will show it once more this evening. All of the audience except one person, gets up to leave. You see that you are the one remaining, changing your seat now that the theatre is empty…..

You press a switch to rewind the film. It shows on the screen in black and white, running backwards, quite fast….. It is soon back at the beginning again. You announce the start of the film, press the switch, and it starts again, in full colour, showing all of the story, from beginning to end…..

Once again you are impressed by the quality of the acting, and also the realism of the sound-effects and scenery…..

You look down into the theatre and notice that you are still watching the film with great interest…..

The film runs right through to the end. You announce that this has been the final showing of the film for tonight but, because of the interest shown in this high-quality production, you’ll be showing it again next week.

You see yourself down in the theatre get up and leave, saying ‘goodnight’ to the usher. You walk out of the projection room, and tell the cleaner he can sweep up now. You both say ‘goodnight’ and you go on home…..

Now, come back to the present.  Observe your surroundings. Reflect on what you have been through; how different it is when you think of those events from the past…..

You can use this technique as often as you like. If it works well for you, one by one you can go through all the events which have wounded or frightened you in the past. The reverse-movie technique allows us to feel detached from the events of the past.

We are all actors in the play of life. The actor observes himself playing out his role, but is not affected by the events depicted in the play. The guided imagery sequence allows us to assume the role of the impartial witness. The witness observes the pain, but is not touched by it. The witness observes it all, and remains at peace.

Note: If you feel that this technique could be really valuable for you, and you would like to hear my voice guiding you through it, you can download the CD, “Letting Go Of The Past’, at www.selhelptherapy.com.au or at www.therapyycds.com.au

When we become open to the idea of an unhappy time being of some value, we can ask how to make good use of this dead wood of our past? One of the best ways is to use fire in ritual form. What is required is to write out your memories and to burn them in a fire-cleansing procedure. Before I tell you how to prepare the material to be burned, let’s explore how it is that fire can be so effective in destroying the negative links with the past.

Think of the many thousands of occasions when we have seen fire in action, perhaps in a burning match or candle, a lamp, or on an open log fire. What have we noticed? There are three things. First, fire consumes and destroys; secondly, it also creates light, banishing the dark without effort; and thirdly, it radiates warmth, inviting us to draw nearer to the nurturing flames.

Let’s look at each one of these aspects in more detail. When we are using the fire to burn up our written memories of the past, the flames are also travelling deep into our subconscious. As our eyes witness this age-old symbol of transformation taking place, layer upon layer of pain and suffering are also being destroyed.

The act of burning our recorded memories also creates light. Where there is light, darkness cannot exist. As we watch the dancing flames, the shadows of fear, pain, and resentment fall away, and the light of our hearts shines forth.

Now that we have an appreciation of the healing value of fire, I’ll explain the various ways in which we can put the past on paper, ready to be reduced to ashes. Then I’ll talk about how to design the fire-ritual itself.

First of all, let’s assume there have been people in your life who had a disturbing effect on you. Some could be alive, while others have all passed away. This is what you do: Set aside a blank sheet of paper for each one of these people. Choose one of them to focus on. If it is your first time, you might like to start with one of your parents.

Put the person’s name at the top and draw a line down the centre of the page. On the left hand side, list all the positive attributes of that person. On the right hand side of the page, list all the negative attributes. Positive entries for a parent might include phrases like ‘Read me bed-time stories’, or ‘He listened to my problems’, and so on, anything that comes to mind.

Negative attributes might include, ‘Came home drunk and bashed up Mum’, or ‘She always put me down’; whatever you can recall.

Take your time with this preparation. New things might come into your mind over the next few days. Note them down when you can. When you have completed the list for one person, you are ready to use the fire-burning technique. We’ll come to that soon.

If you like using fire, you can burn anything at all – perhaps old photos, gifts and letters from someone who has an emotional hold over you. You could burn a detailed account of a traumatic event or some painful years in your life. You can write down and burn any emotions you are ready to let go of, like resentment, sadness or blame. Burn in the fire anything at all that represents a past which intrudes or weighs you down.

Now, let’s look at how you can create a fire-burning ritual which will leave a deep healing impression upon your subconscious. This is what I recommend:

v  Do it alone, or with a close friend, and tell no one for a long time.

v  Create a special setting. Some light a candle on a home-made altar. Others go out into Nature, by the beach, on a mountain, or in a garden.

v  Tear each page into strips to be destroyed one by one. This allows the burning to go on for longer so you get maximum benefit from the event.

v  Decide on some special words to say as you burn each strip of paper. The ones I like go something like this: “The fire now burns this link with the past. I am free. I am free.”

Keep saying your chosen words as you burn each strip of paper. Take your time. When you have finished, sit quietly for a while, reflecting on what you have just experienced.

You will have thrown into the flames some of your fear, sadness and bitterness. Reduced to ashes will be judgements, agonies, confusion and pain. What remains will be pure: like the pile of ashes themselves, like the light and warmth you have seen and felt. You’ll feel clean, lighter, happier, and your heart will be softer and sweeter. May the fire work well for you.

Many years ago I wrote a letter of gratitude to my parents, when they were still alive. I told them I valued their influence in my early years, that their living example was an ongoing guide for me in my own life. I also wrote of my gratitude for their blind-spots, those aspects of their personality which had irritated, disturbed or frightened me. Out of respect, I didn’t tell them what their blind-spots were.

The gratitude I felt for the limitations in my parents can be understood by two analogies. The first is the lotus flower or water lily. The roots of this plant reach down into the mud and transform that slush into the beauty that is seen in the flower. In the same way, the darker side of my parents challenged me to look for and hold on to only the best in them – the flower of acceptance grew out of the mud of my early resentment and disappointment.

The second example is that of the tree on a windy slope. The more the wind blows, the deeper the roots grow into the ground, and the studier the trunk of the tree becomes. In the same way, the disturbing winds of my parents’ social anxiety impelled me to dive deep within myself to find a self-confidence which could never be shaken by the behavior of others.

In both of these analogies, the lotus flower and the tree, there is the principle of rising above the difficulties placed before us, of gaining from the adversities which intrude into our lives. 

Many years ago I wrote a letter of gratitude to my parents, when they were still alive. I told them I valued their influence in my early years, that their living example was an ongoing guide for me in my own life. I also wrote of my gratitude for their blind-spots, those aspects of their personality which had irritated, disturbed or frightened me. Out of respect, I didn’t tell them what their blind-spots were.

The gratitude I felt for the limitations in my parents can be understood by two analogies. The first is the lotus flower or water lily. The roots of this plant reach down into the mud and transform that slush into the beauty that is seen in the flower. In the same way, the darker side of my parents challenged me to look for and hold on to only the best in them – the flower of acceptance grew out of the mud of my early resentment and disappointment.

The second example is that of the tree on a windy slope. The more the wind blows, the deeper the roots grow into the ground, and the studier the trunk of the tree becomes. In the same way, the disturbing winds of my parents’ social anxiety impelled me to dive deep within myself to find a self-confidence which could never be shaken by the behavior of others.

In both of these analogies, the lotus flower and the tree, there is the principle of rising above the difficulties placed before us, of gaining from the adversities which intrude into our lives.

There is a beautiful technique involving light, which is wonderful for dissolving the past. We know from experience that darkness cannot exist in the presence of light. When light is spread everywhere, no shadow can ever remain. You might ask, “How can we use light to destroy a shadow from the past?” The answer lies both in the realm of nuclear physics and in the language of esoteric spirituality. Science has now demonstrated that light is the basis, the substance of all that exists. When matter is destroyed, whether by fire or an atomic explosion, we have energy and light, and all of the energy can be made into light.

In the spiritual texts it is said, “God is love, truth and light; and all that exists is God”. So we can see that everything in creation is really just light. We know that the past no longer exists. So all that does exist is light. If we bring the darkness of our past into a light, the past will simply disappear.

The technique we are about describe below allows everything to dissolve in light. Each time you follow it through, you’ll be led into a new world of contentment, freedom and love. The present will take on a new meaning and the past will fade like an echo, diminishing still further with time.

Before you begin the meditation, place a burning candle in front of you; or, if you don’t have a candle, you can just imagine a flame.

So to begin, Sit comfortably and look at the candle-flame burning. Let all thoughts pass you by, without holding on to any of them. ….Keep looking at the candle-flame…..

Now, close your eyes and imagine the flame coming towards your forehead. It is a cool restful flame. Imagine it entering your forehead, and burning brightly inside…..

Now see the flame travelling down your body, until it rests in the centre of your chest. We’ll call this place  your ‘heart’…..Imagine the flame burning inside your heart, resting inside a closed-up flower with 5 beautiful petals.The flame is straight and steady.

Now imagine it burning more brightly, and the petals of the flower begin to open. ….The brighter the flame, the more the petals open, until all of the flower is there in full bloom…..

Now imagine the flame in your heart getting brighter and brighter, giving off more and more light, until your whole body is filled with light….

The flame burns brighter and brighter, giving off so much light you can hardly bear to look at it. The light is so strong, it is spreading now outside of your body, filling all of the room with light….

The flame is becoming so strong and bright now, the light spreading further and further, in all directions, towards all directions, until everything is bathed in light, filled with light….. The whole world is filled with this light. The light is shining out from your heart, so that all you can see is light….. All there is, is light, everywhere, a vast limitless ocean of light. Dissolve yourself in this light…..

Now, allow old memories and feelings from your subconscious to rise up in you. Allow these memories from the past to come into your mind and heart. As soon as an image appears, take hold of it in your mind as if it were an object, and plunge it into the light. Plunge it into the ocean of light, until all there is left is light…..

 Good memories, bad memories, plunge them all into the light…. Terrible feelings, sweet feelings, plunge them all into light….. Everything goes into the light….. Keep doing this, while the music plays, until nothing else enters your mind. Then rest in the ocean of light.

Note: If you feel that this meditation is useful for you, and you would like to hear my voice guiding you through it, you can download the CD, “Letting Go Of The Past’, at www.selhelptherapy.com.au or at www.therapyycds.com.au

Let’s begin by looking at some of the ways the past can dominate our lives.

First of all, there are memories of childhood. Not all of these are conscious – some have been forgotten. If our birth trapped our parents in a marriage gone sour, we could grow through the years feeling unworthy, unloved or incompetent. If a parent was abusive with words, feelings or deeds, our legacy of that time could be confusion, anger, depression and a history of failed relationships. Life now could be lacking in colour – perhaps we have never been happy.

For some of us there has been trauma, in childhood or later in our lives. If we were abused, assaulted, demeaned or crippled, the memories of that time can bring panic, anxiety or eating disorders. Our suffering might have been caused by family members, teachers, strangers or friends. It might have been willful on their part or due to ignorance. Maybe our suffering was brought on by an accident or a cruel twist of fate.

On the other hand, you might be in pain through losing a child or a good friend – and you miss the joy of that time. Whatever the cause, the links with the past can be broken, again and again, until we are free and at peace once more.

As you read to the words in these essays, it is my hope and prayer that all of the memories which darken your life will disappear, like shadows before a very great light. Then you’ll be free, free to swim in the ocean of life, without the weight of the chains of the past.

There was once a great Queen who ruled over a vast land. This Queen spent all of her time helping her subjects to be happy and comfortable.

This impressed the Gods and they sent down a messenger who said to the Queen, “The Gods would like to reward you for all of the good that you do. What gift would you most like?”. And the Queen said, “I would like a magical servant who will carry out any instructions I give. In this way I will be able to care even more for my subjects”. And the messenger said: “Your wish is granted”. Suddenly there appeared before her a servant tall and strong. The messenger said, “This servant can do anything at all; but I must warn you, unless you keep him busy he will try to hurt you. When he has nothing to do he will turn on you and try to cause you harm”.

So the Queen said, “He will always be busy. I have so many things that need to be done”.

After the messenger left the Queen told the servant to clean the castle from top to bottom. Zip, zip and it was done in one day. So the Queen said, “Plant a thousand acres of orchards so that none of my subjects will go hungry”. Zip, zip and it was done within a week. And the Queen said, “build a house for each one of my subjects so that none of them will suffer from the weather”. Zip, zip, within a week that was done. And fairly soon the Queen had run out of tasks to give to the servant. He started to follow her around and began making strange threats. So she called out to the sky, “Messenger from the Gods, come back, come and advise me”.

When he came, she said “I have no more tasks for the servant, and he is threatening me. What am I to do?” The Messenger said, “It’s very simple. Tell your servant to build a wall and when it is finished he must pull it down, and when he has pulled it down he must build it up again, and so on and so on”. And so that is what the Queen did. Whenever she didn’t have anything for the servant to do she just said, “Build the wall and then pull it down again. Keep doing that”.

The mind is the servant. When not engaged in doing something constructive it can turn on us and come up with all sorts of terrible thoughts. We need to  keep it busy, we need to give it a wall to build and pull down again, and that’s what we are doing when we meditate, repeating affirmations in time with the breath (for example : “I breathe in love. I let go fear. I breathe in love. I let go fear.”)